i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
