Your mouth is God's brothel.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
