end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
