i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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