We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
