If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
