my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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