sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
