I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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