I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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