dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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