shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
