You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
