i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
