I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
