Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize