dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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