I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize