take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
