happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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