Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
