Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
