all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
