Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
