Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
