I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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