This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My pussy is not your playground.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
