she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
