I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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