Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
