Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
