btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
