We won't sleep together?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
