we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
