this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
