I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As shirtless as possible
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
