All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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