It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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