My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
