I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
