i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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