Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
