So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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