I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's rum buckets o'clock
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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