She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is my gift to your gina
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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