Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
