I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
