I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You're like the curious george of whores
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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