You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
