what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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