She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
