i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
