you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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