I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize