when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
