god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Drake has all the answers
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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