Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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