Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
