Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
