no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
