i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
A+ Viking dick
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
