Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
