i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
