1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
