My nipple is on Facebook.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
