She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
