Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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