She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
