Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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