I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
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