there was a trapeze. enough said
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
