yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
