sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
