I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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