pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
