Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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