Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
