Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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